By Sonika Tinker
The other day, when I was working in the kitchen, my daughter was very happily playing with one of my son’s toys nearby. My 5 year-old son came into the room, noticed “his” toy over there, and grabbed it quite aggressively from his 2 year-old sister. He held it high out of her reach while she yelled for it back, telling her she couldn’t have it because it was his.
In that moment, I could have told my son that he was rude for taking a toy away from his sister, and demanded he give it back. Or I could have scolded him for grabbing it from her, I could have insisted he give it back to her and ask nicely for it back in a “do over” move. Or I could have joined in and just grabbed the toy from him and given it back to her and told him she could play with it even if it was his toy. There are several things I could have done or said along these lines, all of which would have perpetuated a “fighting” mood.
In this moment however, I happened to remember that “energy follows attention” and “what we focus on is what we get more of.” I chose in that moment to see my son as a sharing, caring, giving boy. I decided to outwardly feed my son’s virtues, to share my vision of him with my words, to actively put energy into creating what I wanted to see.
So I turned to my daughter and said, “Don’t worry love. Your brother is a sweet sharing boy, and he lets you play with his toys sometimes, and he will again really soon. He will give you back the toy and let you play with it for awhile because he is a sweet loving big brother who cares about you very much.”
I watched my son struggle for a moment to hang on to that toy. But he couldn’t. It was as if he couldn’t help but resonate with the truth of my words and line up with them inside himself. He did after all, really love her, and he really did enjoy giving to her. Within seconds, I watched his hand inch down towards his sister’s, and when he proudly gave his toy to her, he looked up and me and smiled.
It was one of those times where what we shared together was precious beyond words. We all experienced a bit of heaven. No yelling. No tears. No power struggles. Just love, truth, sweet sharing and the magical power of law of attraction in action. So simple. So easy. So beautiful.
Sonika Tinker, MSW is a relationship expert, transformational coach, national speaker, NLP Professional, Certified Enneagram Teacher and author of Seize your Opportunities: Living a Life Without Limits. She is the founder of LoveWorks, a relationship training company, and is passionately committed to empowering men and women to create powerful successful relationships and to live deeply inspired lives. Sonika has over 30 years experience coaching singles and couples, both gay and straight, on the issues of relationship, communication, intimacy, sexuality, dating, law of attraction and personal transformation. She has designed and led hundreds of trainings, spoken for groups of up to 500, and has touched the lives of thousands. She currently has a private practice in Auburn and San Francisco, CA. You can contact her at loveworksforyou.com or firstname.lastname@example.org